Meaningful Life Center

Yom Kippur, which is only three days away, is called the “Day of Forgiveness” because this is the day when Moses, after pleading with G-d for 80 days to forgive the Israelites for the Sin of the Golden Calf, finally succeeded. On this day, G-d finally said to him: “I will forgive as you have asked.”

On Yom Kippur we seek to connect to the energy of this awesome day and win forgiveness for ourselves as well. But we can hardly expect to be forgiven by G-d if we ourselves have not been willing to forgive others.

Forgiveness is not easy; it requires work. But, most importantly, it requires a connection to G-d, the Giver of Life (and now as the mother flame draws close to the spark, is the ideal time to feel this connection).

The secret of being able to forgive others is to remember that G-d gave you life because you matter to Him—you have a vital and irreplaceable role to play in the perfection of His world. When you remember that, you can have the strength to rise above the pain others have caused you and forgive both them and yourself.

The word for “forgiveness” in Hebrew, mechilah, is related to the word machol meaning “circle.” Life is meant to be a circle encompassing all our experiences and relationships in one harmonious, seamless whole. When someone hurts us the circle is broken. Forgiveness is the way we mend the fracture.

Forgiveness means not merely forgiving the person who hurt us, but forgiving ourselves, forgiving G-d, forgiving even life itself with all its bizarre and often cruel twists and turns.

When you forgive, the circle is again complete and you find yourself encompassed by the wholeness of G-d’s creation of which you are an integral part. And then you can have the confidence that this Yom Kippur you will hear G-d saying to you: “I will forgive as you have asked.”

Seventh of the Ten Days of Teshuvah. Only three days left to Yom Kippur.
According to the Ramak, this day corresponds to chesed (“loving-kindness”).
According to the Ari, this day corresponds to tiferet (“beauty” or “harmony” or “compassion”).

“When Elazar ben Durdaia (a notorious sinner) found that all his appeals for assistance had been turned down, he said: ‘It all depends entirely on myself.’ He placed his head between his knees and wept until his soul departed from him. A voice from heaven then announced: ‘Rabbi Elazar ben Durdaia is destined for life in the world to come!’ Hearing this, Rabbi [Judah HaNassi] wept: ‘There are those who acquire their world in many years, and there are those who acquire their world in a single moment.’” (The Talmud[1])

Laws and Customs
Laws of forgiveness:

“Sins between one person and another, Yom Kippur does not atone for until one appeases his friend.”[2]

Therefore, before Yom Kippur you should do everything possible to apologize and ask forgiveness from anyone you may have hurt, even with words. If the person is not appeased, you must try a second and a third time, each time employing new methods to gain the intended forgiveness.

The one who was hurt must not be cruel and refuse to forgive, unless he feels that not forgiving immediately will help humble the callousness of the person who has hurt him, or he believes that by forgiving he himself will be hurt in the process.[3]

“He made the letter Lamed king over coition, and He bound a crown to it, and he combined one with another, and with them he formed Libra in the universe, Tishrei in the year, and the gall bladder [or liver] in the Soul, male and female” (Sefer Yetzirah 5:9). The mazal (sign) for this month is moznayim (Libra/scale), which symbolizes the Divine judgment that takes place in this month, beginning with Rosh Hashana.

Yom Kippur is the holiest and most awesome of all the days of the Jewish year, the peak experience of the Days of Awe (Yomim Noraim) as the High Holidays are called:

· It is the day when the verdict that was written on Rosh Hashana (the Day of Judgment)— “who shall live and who shall die … who by fire and who by water …”— is finally sealed.

· It is the day when we confess our sins to G-d and beg that they will be forgiven—banking on the energy of forgiveness which Moses brought down on this day more than 3,000 years ago when he won forgiveness from G-d for the Israelites’ sin of the Golden Calf.

· It is the day when the Ten Days of Teshuvah come to an end, and we are presented with the last and best opportunity to return to our own Divine essence, and by virtue of doing so, to return to G-d.

· It is the “wedding day” between G-d and the Jewish people, as Moses comes down from Mt. Sinai with the second set of tablets.[4]

On Yom Kippur we touch the holiest part of ourselves—our souls. In emulation of the High Priest of the days of old, we have the opportunity to enter our personal Holy of Holies. The Holy of Holies is the place where heaven meets the earth, where the Divine Presence shines unconcealed. This is the intimate place where we can meet G-d.

Yom Kippur is the convergence of the holiest in space, time, and man—when the holiest part of man enters the holiest space on the holiest day.

We are able to do so when we take away all the materialism, all the physicality, all the external tools and expose what is left—the sacredness of our inner selves.

You don’t feel sacred when you are working, and you don’t feel sacred when you’re consuming a meal, no matter how good it tastes. You may feel good or satisfied, but you don’t feel sacred or unique or uplifted.

You feel sacred only when you experience your soul, the part of you that was created in the image of G-d. It is your true self, though you probably don’t recognize it as such. But once you do, once you experience the fullness of Yom Kippur, you will never settle for less again.

Yom Kippur is the only day in the year when each soul on earth comes closest to feeling its source. The innermost dimension of the soul is revealed and shines forth only on this day. This dimension of the soul—yechidah (“oneness”)—represents the inner unity of our souls, transcending all fragmentation, compartmentalization, all our dualities and pluralities. It emerges only on Yom Kippur, “the Day of Oneness,”[5] which falls on the 10^th of Tishrei.

Ten is considered a complete number, encompassing all of existence and the entire cycle of time and space. It is signified in the Hebrew alphabet by the letter yud, the first letter of the essential four-letter Name of G-d, the Tetragrammaton, which we are forbidden to pronounce. Yud is written as a dot—the unifying point that fuses everything into the sacred oneness of G-d.[6]

Sacredness/holiness, therefore, is the theme of this day, on which we try to be like angels. As the 16^th century scholar, the Maharal of Prague, put it, “All of the mitzvot that G-d commanded us on [Yom Kippur] are designed to remove, as much as possible, a person's relationship to physicality, until he is completely like an angel.”

On this day, we immerse ourselves entirely into the world of the sublime, minimizing in every way our interaction with the material, pluralistic, and fragmented world. We consume no food or drink or engage in marital relations. We do not bathe or anoint ourselves with creams or perfumes, and we do not wear leather shoes, which symbolize luxury. We wear white and spend almost the entire day in the cocoon of the synagogue immersed in prayer.

We invest all our energy in this day, because on Yom Kippur anything is possible. This we know from the very first Yom Kippur, the day which gave birth to hope. If ever there was a day to begin anew, it is on Yom Kippur. This is the day when we have the power to ask for anything we want—to achieve our deepest goals and dreams. Yom Kippur is the single most important day in our lives.

So, make sure that you use this most special of days to the fullest. But if for some reason you cannot, at least participate in the opening prayer, Kol Nidrei, and in the closing prayer, the Neilah. (And if you have lost a parent, be sure to also participate in Yizkor, the memorial prayer.)

Before darkness falls, marking the official beginning of the 10^th day of Tishrei which is Yom Kippur, in every synagogue in the world a haunting melody is sang—Kol Nidrei.

Kol Nidrei means “All Vows” and its classic text, repeated three times, each time louder, is a renunciation of all oaths and vows.

It seems strange to begin the holiest day of the year—the day which we spend asking G-d to forgive us for all transgressions—by breaking former promises.

But Kol Nidrei is not that.[7] Kol Nidrei is the process through which we enter the holiest day of the year.

A neder is not just the vow/promise that you vocalize to another person, it is a word that denotes all commitments, attachments, and ties that bind you.

By renouncing “all vows” you are declaring your commitment to break the bonds that keep you from traveling on the journey within, that keep you from opening yourself to the Yom Kippur experience.

Obviously, this does not mean forsaking healthy commitments and responsibilities—it means forsaking those attachments that limit you, that entangle and entrap you.

That is the essential focus of Kol Nidrei. It is a perfect prayer to begin Yom Kippur with because unless you free yourself from such traps you cannot travel inward; with a ball and chain attached to you, you are not going to be able to get anywhere.

Kol Nidrei is repeated three times to relate to vows in speech, vows in deed, and vows in thought:

All vows and things we have made forbidden on ourselves … we regret having made them, may they all be permitted, forgiven, eradicated, and nullified, and may they not be valid or exist any longer. Our vows shall no longer be vows, and our prohibitions shall no longer be prohibited, and our oaths are no longer oaths.

“Light is sown for the righteous and for the upright in heart—joy.” (Psalms 97:11)

“Pardon us, forgive us, grant us atonement—for we are Your people and You are our G-d; we are Your children and You are our Father; …we are Your congregation and You are our portion; we are Your inheritance and You are our lot; we are Your flock and You are our Shepherd; we are Your vineyard and You are our Watchman; we are Your handiwork and You are our Creator; we are Your beloved ones and You are our Beloved; we are Your treasure and You are our G-d” (Yom Kippur prayer)

Light the candles for the holiday, and say: “Blessed Are You, O G-d, King of the Universe, who sanctified us with Your commandments and commanded us to light the flame of the Day of Atonement.”[If Yom Kippur falls on Shabbat say, “to light the flame of Shabbos and the flame of the Day of Atonement”.] Then say the Shehecheyanu blessing: “Blessed are You, O G-d, King of the Universe, Who has kept us alive and sustained us and brought us to this season.”

Begin a 25-hour fast—no eating or drinking until sundown the next day. Some have a custom of fasting 26 hours, as 26 is the gematria (numerical value) of the essential four-letter Name of G-d, the Tetragrammaton.

Dress in white.[9] Married men wear a white robe called a kittel for the entire Yom Kippur as they do under the chuppah. In the first year of marriage, the kittel is not worn on Yom Kippur since it was worn at the chuppah.

The tallit (prayer shawl) is worn during the evening service (unlike all year round).

[1] Avodah Zarah 17a.

[2] Mishne Yuma 85b.

[3] Shulchan Aruch, and Harav, Orach Chaim 606. See there for more details.

[4] Mishne Taanit 26b and Rashi.

[5] Exodus 30:10. Leviticus 16:30. See Tosafot. Menochot 18a. For the spiritual meaning – see Ateret Rosh Shaar Yom HaKippurim ch. 2 ff. Kuntres HaHispalut ch. 4.

[6] “Yechida l’yachdecho,” – “Clings and cleaves to you…the oneness that affirms Your Oneness” (Hoshanot prayer, day 3).

[7] Though certainly at times in Jewish history it has been seen as a renunciation of wrongful oaths Jews took to save their lives, as in medieval Spain where many pretended to convert to Christianity.

[8] See Mateh Efraim 608:3. Keter Shem Tov (Gogin) vol. 6 p. 281.

[9] See Midrash Tehillim 17. Ritva Baba Batra 121a. Mordechai Yuma 723. Orchot Chaim Yom Kippur 27. Ramo Orach Chaim 610. We wear white, because we are like Divine angels (Mordechai and Ramo ibid). For more details, see Talmudic Encylopedia, Yom HaKippurim (vol. 22 p. 520) and the sources cited there.