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Parents: take your job seriously. Children
are the most precious gift G-d has given you -- a new life,
as unmarked as fresh snow, and you have been blessed with
the opportunity to nurture, protect, and teach your child,
so that the child becomes a productive and good human being.
-- The Rebbe
One night, when a rabbi was deeply engrossed in his studies,
his youngest child fell out of his cradle. Even though the
rabbi was only in the next room, he heard nothing. But the
rabbi’s father, who was also studying in his room upstairs,
heard the baby crying. He came downstairs, put the baby back
in the cradle, and rocked him to sleep. The rabbi remained
oblivious throughout it all.
Later, the older man admonished his son: “No matter
how lofty your pursuits, you must never fail to hear the cry
of a child.”
What can a parent do to improve the quality of the family?
It is the parents’ responsibility to build a happy and
healthy home. When every member of a family is concerned primarily
with himself, the family itself is bound to suffer. When the
father stays late at the office, when the mother is wrapped
up in her job or community work, when the children care mainly
about parties or school projects, they cannot maintain profound
relationships within the family. They may sleep under the
same roof and eat at the same table, yet be worlds apart.
By introducing spirituality into your home, welcoming guests,
and talking with your family about our responsibilities as
good-hearted people, you make your home truly beautiful.
Your children will grow up to remember their home as a place
of warmth and kindness, where people felt comfortable to gather
and talk about things that mattered to them. In all likelihood,
these children will grow into adults who will create the same
sort of home.
How can parents create a healthy home environment?
Whenever a problem arises, particularly a serious one, we
should examine the dynamic between parents. A husband and
wife must develop a healthy way of communicating with each
other. This in turn sets a good example for their children.
It is important to remember that children’s misbehavior
is often the result of parental attitudes. Without changing
these attitudes, we cannot hope for any serious change in
our children. Parents must look beyond their own ego when
dealing with their children. Only then can they truly assess
the problem at hand and decide how to fix it.
It is often wise to seek the help of someone outside your
family, someone who can judge the problem objectively and
who understands G-d and your family’s goals and values.
Above all, love is the most powerful tool with which to battle
problems. Yes, a healthy home must be run with discipline,
but even that discipline must contain love. This cannot be
manufactured or superficial, for children are more sensitive
to honest emotions than adults. On the other hand, they will
react with pure joy when they receive the genuine love of
their parents, and they will reciprocate.
What are the roles of different family members?
Although a mother and father are equal partners, they each
have unique qualities that complement each other in building
a healthy home.
A mother and father must respect each other’s roles
and be ready to help at a moment’s notice. When a mother
and father treat each other with such respect and cooperation,
their children will inevitably learn to act the same. Children
must be encouraged to participate in every aspect of family
life. Older children should help care for their younger brothers
and sisters; then, not only will they feel the love of their
parents, but they will get the experience of giving love
to someone younger and more needy than them.
Parents must understand the magnitude of their many responsibilities.
Building a true home is a job to be taken seriously -- more
seriously than the job we go to each day to earn a living.
After all, there are many opportunities to make a living,
but only one opportunity to build a healthy home.
ACTION
Learn to love your family in a new way. Love them not only
because they are your flesh and blood, but because they are
G-d’s flesh and blood.
Before putting your children to sleep, give them a new kind
of kiss, one filled with the fire of your G-dly soul. Talk
to them about love, and how to care for one another. You will
see how this new awareness of love carries over into everything
that you do.
This is an excerpt from “Toward a Meaningful Life
– The Wisdom of the Rebbe” by Rabbi Simon Jacobson.
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